The State of the Knitting
but a worldwide victory of man. The modern globe is too small,
its weapons are too destructive, and its disorders are too contagious
to permit any other kind of victory.
- John F. Kennedy, State of the Union, 1963
All rise! The President of the Knitting States!
[Applause and handshakes on both sides of the aisle as the President makes her way to the front.]
Voiceover of reporter #1: We see the President is widely cheered and welcomed at this momentous State of the Knitting Address this Year.
VOR#2: Yes, Bob, but do you think it will last? After years of being known as a domestic president, she is about to embark upon a six nation goodwill yarn-buying tour.
VOR#1: The President brings the name of the Knitting States of America to all those around the world who look to us as the torch-bearer of knitting freedom.
[President reaches podium and motions for applause to die down before speaking.]
Madam Speaker, Madam Vice-President, Justices of the Supreme Court, and my fellow Knittarians. I come before you tonight to tell you that the State of Knitting is Good. [Applause.] For four years we have focused - and focused hard - on our domestic lives and policies and have been richly rewarded. In addition, we have cultivated good relations with our great neighbor to the north based on their wonderful wool traditions and favorable exchange rate. Tonight we will do two things. First, let us examine the ongoing knitting projects that are maintaing our reputation for greatness and moving us forward into the twenty-first knitting century. [Applause]
It is the time of the red sweater, and the two in progress are progresing nicely, thanks to the hard work of our Kniti-Corps Volunteers. These courageous young people have made incredible progress, completing both sleeves and nearly all of the right front of Trellis, and both sleeves and the entire cardigan body of Rogue up to the armhole shaping. Not only have they knit so much, but they have made important changes, such as making the twisted stitches in Trellis mirror images around the central cable, and adjusting Rogue for serious row gauge issues. Please recognize our Kniti-Corps volunteers for their success in perpetutating the cable-enhanced red cardigan as a bulwark of Western civilization. [President points to the knitters in the gallery. Applause.] The future is bright with these young knitters willing to work so hard for their country.
Even more than red cabled cardigans, socks are the marker of a great nation. Ever since Valley Forge - when the heroic revolutionaries under George Washingknit fought so bravely with their cold feet - we have worn socks as a marker of all that we stand for. Warm feet and a warm heart.
The Friday Harbor socks are almost completed, and will be worn on my upcoming international tour as a symbol of the beauty of the Knitting States of America. The yarn is from Montana, the pattern inspired by Washington State, and they were knit entirely in the good old K.S. of A. The "Plain Joe" socks are a simple 2x2 ribbing, an affirmation of the solid, middle-class foundation that makes this country great. They progress slowly but surely when we need to ground ourselves. The Chalet Socks are a bit fancier, a Knittarian adaptation of European traditions that pays homage to the blend of old and new. And the Argyle socks blend several other knitting traditions, and remind us that we still face challenges ahead. The State of the Knitting may be Good, but there is always room for improvement.
As befits a good-will tour of our future allies, I will be wearing Am Kamin [Applause] and Rosedale in Denmark, Germany, Sweden, Norway, the Netherlands, and Scotland. I will be knitting lace. [Applause] The lace of Branching Out. The long-neglected lace of the Cashmere Leaf Lace Scarf. And an entirely new Rose Trellis Stole. But I will not neglect our historical mission to reinvigorate the tradition of handknit socks around the world. I will be knitting Birch Leaf Lace Socks and possibly Pomatomus as I spread a message of world peace through knitting. For the only thing brighter than our past is our future, and it is a future that we face together with our wool-wearing allies. [Applause]
May God Bless Us, and God Bless the Knitting States of America. [Applause]
VOR#1: A record number of applauses in that speech!
VOR#2: What an honest summary and a creative vision for the future of the Knitting States of America!
VOR#1: What can the Crochet Party possibily have to say in return? Stay tuned for their response after this message from our sponsors.