Clincial Implications of Basic Research

Healing is a matter of time,
but it is also sometimes a matter of opportunity.
-Hippocrates

This Week from The New England Journal of Medicine
Clinical Implications of Basic Research

Volume 355: 1902-1907 May 2, 2006 Number 18

Knitting Bone Together
Knitting Underway, M.D. (in 26 days); Addi Turbo, Ph.D.;* and U.S. Airways, A.B.D.**

ABSTRACT

Background Mr. Etherknitter had a skiing accident. Initial treatment proved promising, with an operation within the six-hour window required to limit infectious complications and knitting bloggers in Utah and Massachusetts providing extensive ancillary services and support. Six week follow-up demonstrated less progress than expected and reported no new bone formation. The helpfulness of knitting bloggers having already been demonstrated, it was determined to increase their therapy in an attempt to knit the bone together.

Methods Knitting bloggers around the world answered the call and made a button. Participants were randomized into three cohorts: a stash-flash cohort, a finished-object cohort, and a continuing-project cohort. The rest of the world served as a control group.

Results Interim analysis revealed heretofore unexpected links between "knitting yarn" and "knitting bone" with Mr. Etherknitter's injured leg well on his way to healing. Interim analysis was so convincing that the study was halted prematurely because it would have been unethical to continue to deny this radical new therapy to the control group. Inter-cohort analysis revealed that the stash-flash cohort, finished-object cohort, and continuing-project cohort had similar results.

Conclusions Knitting yarn at a distance creates Big Knitting Mojo (BKM) that is able to warp the time-space continuum and knit Mr. Etherknitter's leg bone together. The applications of such therapy are obvious and extensive.

For the full text of this article, please subscribe to The New England Journal of Medicine. The knitting projects which contributed to bone knitting will be excerpted in future editions when there is enough light to properly photograph them.

The authors deny any conflicts of interest.

*In research on the speed of light.
**Dissertation on on-time performance was not able to be accepted by the committee when there was an unexpected gate change that caused the committee members to miss the defense.