Tuesday, May 02, 2006

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  • Clincial Implications of Basic Research

    Healing is a matter of time,
    but it is also sometimes a matter of opportunity.


    This Week from The New England Journal of Medicine
    Clinical Implications of Basic Research

    Volume 355: 1902-1907 May 2, 2006 Number 18

    Knitting Bone Together
    Knitting Underway, M.D. (in 26 days); Addi Turbo, Ph.D.;* and U.S. Airways, A.B.D.**


    Background Mr. Etherknitter had a skiing accident. Initial treatment proved promising, with an operation within the six-hour window required to limit infectious complications and knitting bloggers in Utah and Massachusetts providing extensive ancillary services and support. Six week follow-up demonstrated less progress than expected and reported no new bone formation. The helpfulness of knitting bloggers having already been demonstrated, it was determined to increase their therapy in an attempt to knit the bone together.

    Knitting bloggers around the world answered the call and made a button. Participants were randomized into three cohorts: a stash-flash cohort, a finished-object cohort, and a continuing-project cohort. The rest of the world served as a control group.

    Results Interim analysis revealed heretofore unexpected links between "knitting yarn" and "knitting bone" with Mr. Etherknitter's injured leg well on his way to healing. Interim analysis was so convincing that the study was halted prematurely because it would have been unethical to continue to deny this radical new therapy to the control group. Inter-cohort analysis revealed that the stash-flash cohort, finished-object cohort, and continuing-project cohort had similar results.

    Conclusions Knitting yarn at a distance creates Big Knitting Mojo (BKM) that is able to warp the time-space continuum and knit Mr. Etherknitter's leg bone together. The applications of such therapy are obvious and extensive.

    For the full text of this article, please subscribe to The New England Journal of Medicine. The knitting projects which contributed to bone knitting will be excerpted in future editions when there is enough light to properly photograph them.

    The authors deny any conflicts of interest.

    *In research on the speed of light.
    **Dissertation on on-time performance was not able to be accepted by the committee when there was an unexpected gate change that caused the committee members to miss the defense.


    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Thanks for the comment on my brand new Brittanys. This is an interesting post, the abstract first caught my eye, being used to reading "scholarly" journals in academe.

    5/02/2006 9:09 AM  
    Blogger maryse said...

    i love this post.

    5/02/2006 10:24 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    This is WONDERFUL. I love the cohorts. I can't wait to show him this study of BKM, and to tell him, look, buddy, it's healing, awright?? I'm sure we're right.

    5/02/2006 12:31 PM  
    Blogger sloth-knits said...

    Hi Theresa! Thanks for your comment on the Tina Shawl. Go for the Peacock pattern--I tried a Lily of the Valley shawl by Galina Khmeleva last year and was soundly defeated by the bobbles.

    5/02/2006 1:34 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    too. funny.

    are you sure you don't want to go into research....it's not too late.... ;)

    5/02/2006 2:25 PM  
    Blogger Nikki said...

    This is hilarious. I love the "Clinical Implications of Basic Research" cateogorization - nice touch! :)

    5/02/2006 2:58 PM  
    Blogger Elizabeth said...

    It's about time someone wrote about the more extensive impact of knitting...

    Yeah - the lace ring works for me! My teammate and I will start working out - but won't start until Memorial Day.

    5/02/2006 3:37 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Are you going to open up a Healing Knitting Clinic in California? It sounds like just the sort of specialty health craze west coast knitters might go in for. They would pay a decent chunk of money and go sit in a room surrounded by stitch and bitchers, needles flying, and come out completely refreshed. What do you think?

    Seriously, though, I think it's great how many people expressed their support in this nasty situation. Internet communities are pretty cool.

    5/02/2006 5:31 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I KNEW it!! Finally: conclusive evidence to support BKM.

    5/02/2006 6:18 PM  
    Blogger Kellee said...


    Thank you. You totally made me giggle out loud.

    5/03/2006 3:47 PM  
    Blogger Kris said...

    Thanks for a great laugh. I have read way to many of these type of articles (for a BA, not a BS type).

    5/03/2006 6:01 PM  

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